Why Choosing a Counsellor Can Feel So Difficult
Have you ever found yourself scrolling through page after page of counsellors, only to realise they all seem to blend into one?
There are now thousands of counsellors listed online.
Spend just ten minutes on any therapy directory and you'll quickly find yourself scrolling through page after page of smiling faces, warm introductions and reassuring words...
"Safe space."
"Here to listen."
"Supporting you on your journey."
Most of them sound kind.
Most of them are qualified.
Most genuinely want to help.
Which, strangely enough, can make choosing even harder.
Because how do you decide who to trust with something you've perhaps never said out loud before?
The Problem Isn't A Lack Of Choice
People often tell me they spent hours looking through therapist profiles before giving up.
Not because there weren't enough counsellors.
Because there were too many.
Every profile starts to blur into the next.
Everyone appears experienced.
Everyone sounds compassionate.
Everyone offers online sessions.
Everyone says they're approachable.
It's a little like trying to choose a book after reading only the blurb. Sometimes one description simply resonates more than another, and that's okay.
Eventually you stop comparing counsellors and start questioning yourself.
"How am I supposed to know who's right?"
What if I don't know what I need?
Many people think they need to arrive at therapy with a clear explanation of what's wrong. In reality, lots of people simply know that life doesn't feel the way they hoped it would. You don't have to have the right words before reaching out. Part of therapy is making sense of them together.
You're Not Looking For The Best Counsellor
This is probably the biggest misconception.
People often believe they're searching for the best therapist.
I don't think they are.
I think they're searching for someone who quietly feels like their therapist.
Those aren't the same thing.
The best therapist for one person might be completely the wrong therapist for someone else.
Therapy isn't a competition.
It's a relationship.
Questions people often ask before contacting a counsellor include:
How do I choose the right counsellor?
What should I look for in a therapist?
Does the type of therapy matter?
Should I choose a counsellor who specialises in my problem?
Is it okay to speak to more than one counsellor before deciding?
What happens during an introductory call?
What if I don't click with my therapist?
How do I know if a counsellor is qualified?
In the UK, it's worth checking whether a counsellor belongs to a recognised professional body, such as the BACP, NCPS or UKCP. Membership isn't the only thing that matters, but it does provide reassurance that your therapist meets recognised professional and ethical standards. You can verify my BACP registration and professional membership here. →
Should I Read Reviews?
Reviews can be helpful, but remember they're only one person's experience.
A counsellor who was exactly the right fit for someone else may not be the right fit for you.
Rather than asking whether they're the "best" therapist, ask yourself whether they feel like someone you could imagine talking to.
Does it matter whether I choose a male or female counsellor?
For some people, it matters a great deal. For others, it doesn't matter at all. There isn't a right or wrong answer. You may feel more comfortable speaking to someone of a particular gender because of your life experiences, culture or the issue you're bringing. The important thing is finding someone you feel able to be yourself with. Research suggests that while some clients have a preference for a therapist's gender, the quality of the therapeutic relationship is generally a much stronger predictor of successful therapy than gender alone.
Should I choose a counsellor who specialises in my problem?
Sometimes, yes. If you're looking for support with grief, men's mental health, neurodivergence or another specific area, it can be helpful to work with someone who has particular experience. At the same time, don't overlook the importance of feeling understood. Expertise and relationship often work best together.
If you're looking for support with grief, men's mental health, neurodivergence, relationship difficulties or fatherhood, it can be reassuring to speak with someone who works with those experiences regularly.
But don't overlook the relationship itself. A therapist can have all the right experience in the world, but if you don't feel able to be yourself with them, therapy is unlikely to feel helpful.
Is online counselling as effective as face-to-face therapy?
For many people, yes. Some prefer the convenience and privacy of speaking from home, while others value being in the same room as their therapist. Neither is automatically better. The important question is which setting helps you feel comfortable enough to talk. If you're unsure which might suit you best, you can read more about online counselling and in-person therapy and decide which feels right for you.
How long should I give therapy before deciding if it's right?
You don't need to know after five minutes whether you've found the right counsellor. Many people have a sense after the first or second session, while others need a little longer. If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to talk about it.
Look Beyond The Qualifications
Qualifications matter.
Professional registration matters.
Experience matters.
So does feeling understood.
Those things help you know someone is properly trained and accountable.
But once you've established that, something else becomes far more important.
Do you recognise yourself in the way they write?
Do they seem to understand the problem beneath the problem?
Can you imagine yourself talking to them?
Sometimes you'll read a profile and feel nothing.
Sometimes one sentence makes you stop scrolling.
Pay attention to that.
You're Choosing A Person
It's easy to think you're choosing a service.
You're not.
You're choosing another human being.
Some therapists are naturally quiet.
Others are more conversational.
Some work practically.
Others work reflectively.
None of those approaches are right or wrong.
They're simply different.
You Don't Need To Understand Every Therapy Approach
One of the things that makes choosing a counsellor harder is the language.
You might find yourself reading words like:
Integrative.
Psychodynamic.
Humanistic.
Person-centred.
Existential.
It's easy to think you're supposed to know what all of those mean.
You're not.
Most people aren't choosing a counsellor because they prefer one theoretical model over another.
They're choosing someone who helps them feel understood.
If you're unsure what a therapist's approach means, ask them.
A good counsellor will be happy to explain it in ordinary language.
Trust The Feeling, Not The Marketing
Directories can make it feel as though you're shopping.
Therapy isn't really like that.
The counsellor with the longest profile isn't automatically the best.
Neither is the one with the most polished photograph or the cleverest headline.
Often it's much simpler.
Someone's words make you feel understood.
Someone's tone feels calming.
Someone seems to be talking to you rather than to everyone.
That feeling matters.
You Don't Have To Get It Perfect
One thing I wish more people knew is this:
Choosing a counsellor isn't a lifelong commitment.
Many therapists offer a free introductory conversation.
That's not a sales call.
It's simply an opportunity for both of you to ask questions and see whether working together feels right.
Sometimes you'll know quite quickly.
Sometimes you'll decide another therapist might suit you better.
That's completely okay.
A good therapist won't be offended by that.
Therapy Often Begins Before The First Session
People sometimes think therapy starts when you sit down together for the first time.
I don't think it always does.
Sometimes it begins much earlier.
It begins when you stop trying to find the perfect counsellor...
...and instead find someone who makes you think:
"I think I could probably talk to them."
That quiet feeling is often a much better place to begin than trying to make the perfect decision.
Questions Worth Asking Yourself
Rather than trying to compare counsellors, you might find it more helpful to ask yourself:
Which profile made me feel understood?
Who seemed to be speaking to me rather than to everyone?
Can I imagine sitting with this person for fifty minutes?
Did I feel calmer after reading their page?
Am I choosing someone because they feel right, or because I'm worried about making the wrong decision?
Would a free introductory conversation help me decide?
Those are much more useful than "How many qualifications do they have?"
If You're Still Looking...
If you've been reading through directories and wondering who might be the right fit, you're very welcome to take a look at my profile.
I work with men, fathers, grief and bereavement, neurodivergent adults, and people navigating life's difficult transitions, offering online counselling across the UK and in-person sessions in Manchester.
You don't need to decide today.
You don't need to have the right words.
And you certainly don't need to choose the "perfect" counsellor.
You simply need to find someone who feels like a good place to begin.
If that turns out to be me, you're very welcome to get in touch.
If it turns out to be someone else, that's okay too. Finding the right therapist matters far more than choosing this therapist.
If you'd like to know more before deciding, you might also find these helpful:
→ View my Psychology Today profile for men's counselling, fatherhood, grief and neurodiversity
Or, if you'd prefer, you can also explore my website, where you'll find more about how I work, the people I support, and a collection of articles that may help you decide whether I feel like the right fit.
